


His prayer, a whisper, a mutter of love, followed by a apology

by TFALokiwriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Listens To Dean's Prayers, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Dean Winchester Says "I Love You", Dean Winchester Whispered "I Love You" While Praying, Episode Related, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, Episode: s15e09 The Trap - Dean Winchester's Prayer Scene, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Quote: But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester., Quote: Y yo a ti Cas | Me too (Supernatural), canonical love confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TFALokiwriter/pseuds/TFALokiwriter
Summary: His actions were so poetic, but his words were more often filled with popular culture instead of poetry.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	His prayer, a whisper, a mutter of love, followed by a apology

**Author's Note:**

> Did I just copy and paste my own content then edited in light of what was discovered on Christmas Day?
> 
> You bet my ass I did. 
> 
> Also, please click here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8961Qsshgc&t=69S

_"I love you."_

_His prayer, a whisper, was all but started by a mutter._

_"I don't know why I get so angry."_

_Dean was more sad than he had been in a long time. Since losing his mother. Easily worse than that, now.  
_

_"I--I---I just know it's always been there."_

_So unsettled, so angry, so uncertain, heartbroken.  
_

_"And when it gets bad, it comes out. I--I can't stop it." Dean had another sob, another sniffle, more tears along the edges of his eyes. "No matter how bad I want to, I--I--I can't stop it."_

_Somewhere, Castiel heard, somewhere out in Purgatory. Hopefully._

_"I forgive you. of course I forgive you. I am sorry it took me so long. I am sorry it took me till now to say it." he lowered his head with a sob. "Cas, I am so sorry. I hope you can hear me."_

_He regained his bearings._

_"Okay."_

_Then Dean carried on._

* * *

Cas heard Dean.

_"I love you."_

In that moment, the angel repressed all those good feelings toward Dean that he had learned what they were over the last twelve years with skills that he had learned to conceal them, to hide them, to preserve, to be left unseen. Just to see the human that he loved, too. It was just too bad that he couldn't reciprocate without never seeing Dean, Sam, Eileen, Bobby, Crowley, or any of the familiar characters that Cas had grown rather fond of in what could be compared in his lifetime as eight seconds from his existence.

Dean couldn't stop himself from expressing his feelings, allowing himself to feel, neither from letting out his emotions.

But Cas could for as a long as he could to use the sacrifice to save Dean.   


* * *

The confusion, the stun, the shock--it had faded but the person that he loved the most in the world was speaking and the words were so precious that Dean didn't have the heart to thoroughly cut him off. The declaration, now Dean saw as it clicked, was only being made as Castiel had seen _no other way_ of getting out of the deal. The reluctance, the slowness, the angst; the angel's fear of having said those few words one moment and then losing him forever because of a doom that would have been too tough to defeat. It made complete sense. Castiel would never lose Dean if he sacrificed himself and made it stick. The knowledge that he would live a normal life span was enough to say those few words.

_"I love you, Dean."_

_"Me too."_

Sacrificing himself to save Dean through the tears, the bliss, the heart ache, and the content, and satisfaction of having decided how to spend his eternity was firmly becoming imprinted in Dean's soul. Castiel looked so at peace in ways that Dean hadn't seen before, so utterly ridiculously overjoyed after dooming himself and his soul and his vessel. Dean could feel his heart break into to hundreds of pieces just as it always did when he lost someone close to him, let it be Sam, their father, their mother, their friends, their girlfriends, their friends, and clients. Only it was a lot worse. He was there all night. 

Dean sobbed, his hands shielding his face, in the lonely room. His feelings for his beloved one to stay were drowned out by the heart felt declaration of love from someone so beloved. _YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT, ANYWAY! YOU GAVE HIM A REASON TO BE HAPPY. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT IN YOUR PRAYER. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. HE WOULD STILL BE HERE IF YOU HADN'T CONFESSED. HE WOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT IF YOU DIDN'T RECIPROCATE._

It felt unsatisfying with their association ending that way even as it were written to end that way with their own characteristics, associations, and reluctance to admit it with concerns of what would happen after. It was all a very well concern if they both had known about the deal, if Cas didn't just know it, if Cas were able to reciprocate with a relieved smile, happier, yet so beautiful just as Dean's soul was. It didn't feel all that right and proper in Dean's book, the pages stained, curling up, the words from previous chapters standing out through the pages. 

Castiel's words still echoed, _"I love you."_

The heartbreak was flowing through Dean was though it were a gently streaming river, _"You know ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of hell. . . Knowing you has changed me."_ Kind, words that warmed his heart, and made his feelings for Castiel even more resolute. _"Because you cared. I cared."_ And broke his heart at the same time that Dean didn't have equally more deliberate kinder and returned feelings reply. Because Dean cared; he made a angel care about life, about people, about animals, about strangers, about his family. These were words that would have normally made Dean proud but instead made him feel so _sad_.

There was only a chair with decoration surrounding it beneath. Just Dean Winchester in the sole room. Dean stopped after a long hour of sobbing, slid himself up against the wall and regained his balance as his typical cool came over him with confidence that reeked of a hunter who killed things that bumped in the night. Dean smiled with only a trace of being upset in his breathing and eyes of what had only happened still felt like minutes ago.

"Alright, Cas . . ." he looked down toward the ground. "Time to repay that favor, save everyone, and yank you from Perdition."

Dean walked out of the room with certainty that the solution to rescue Cas would either land in his lap or come together by his own hand.

And he answered the phone.

Dean and Sam had _a lot_ of work to do to solve their current problem.


End file.
